My Path to Enlightenment

A couple of words about the Yoga classes that Shanna, Heather and I tried out for 10 days.

1.Hot Yoga is hot- like sweat pouring off of your body so quickly that if it wasn’t rolling from your forehead into your eyes it might be easy to assume you were wetting yourself quite terribly kind of hot.

2.When you’re trying to sink into obscurity in the back of the room you should know that the mirrors are at the front of the room. Ohhhhhhhhh.

3.No matter how confidently and soothingly the instructor says things like “in this pose, the blood is pooling in your abdomen” or “by twisting you are rinsing the toxins out of your spine” or “feel the stretch through every organ” they are still clearly and categorically lying to you. (Did any of those sound comforting to you anyway??) Sure, sure, it’s all “mental” but I can guarantee you that, in cases of blood pooling, spine toxins, and organ stretching…biology wins.

4.This goes out to the rather attractive 30-something man that could balance his whole body, to the side of him, on one arm with his legs contorted into an incredibly inhuman position—you are amazing.

5.This goes out to the instructor that tried to push on my sweaty back to help straighten one of my postures—stop touching me.

6.Yoga in the dark = very soothing exercise (and no one can see that you’re a beginner!). Even better is Yoga in the dark with a mix tape in the background, filled with inspiring music that, in combo with your ridiculous poses, makes you feel like you’re in some sort of crazy drama/action adventure film! Am I in “low cobra” or am I Tom Cruise, avoiding floor motion detectors in Mission Impossible? Am I in “half warrior” or am I bracing for battle in Pirates of the Caribbean? Am I a “camel” or am I Tim Robbins soaking in the freedom of the rain in Shawshank Redemption?? Reality was blurred, you get my point.

7.Finally, and most importantly, thank goodness for child’s pose.